Fair's Fair

Went to the Auckland Arts and Crafts fair today with Chelsea it was so cute! It was like Etsy had exploded into one room, and everything was so quirky and wonderful. All the stores were so cute, my favourite would have to be Bonjour Sweetie, which was an adorable shop which sold mini dioramas of everyday situations. These were in plastic squares, or necklaces or photoframes or even photographs of them. It came wrapped up in a 'popcorn' style bag and was so cute. I bought a 'flasher' necklace (second photo!) which was so hilarious and badass, almost like an subtle rebellion (also, while we're young right?). I also bought a necklace from Bailey's Alchemy (third picture) which is so beautiful and the colours are like the rainbows of an oil slick (in a good way!)

After I really felt like churros so I got some (and forced Chels to have some) and we took the bus home together. It was a really sweet day and a good catch up day! (Chels bought a really gorgeous necklace from a store that I'll link later!)

I'll write more later and add links to all the wonderful boutiques later, but this was so fun and effortlessly cute, totally going again next year.

Tears

I just feel too stressed out and upset these days. I've always been obsessed(?) with crying ever since I had laid eyes on Pablo Picasso's 'The Weeping Woman' from when I was 7. Those who know me know I have a terrible tendency to cry, and cry at the simplest things. I think I just feel too much. I cry when a friend waits with me at the bus stop, just so she can walk home afterwards, I cry when I watch my parents come home after a long day of work, I cry when friends leave, or when I think of the friends that have left. I cry thinking about AIDS, thinking about strokes, longing, escape, thinking about futures, hopes and unattainable dreams. I feel the burden and the sadness of life to a much too sensitive degree, and it plagues me often.

I guess this started from an early age, I was never one to handle abandonment well (this was what it felt like!) and everyday when my mother left me at primary school I would cry until my eyes were red and raw, and felt like my tears were sandpaper. I would be ostracized to a corner where no one could see me and ignored for the rest of the day. And this happened everyday. I guess from a young age I didn't know how to handle it except for to be left alone to cry and cry and cry not doing anything about anything.

As a kid I loved art. When I was asked when I was 5 what the thing that made me happiest was I said 'To create art'. I loved Monet and Van Gogh and Picasso. The big names. I found Van Gogh's intricate brush strokes incredible, his biography enthralling. Monet's large and blurry dreamy landscapes captivated me, and Picasso's abstract and sharp images intrigued me. It was such a pity I lost all these aspirations to such conventional and inexpressive endeavors. Anyway, to see 'The Weeping Woman' hit me hard. I saw the suffering and the pain of this woman, the contorted and twisted face filled with so much sadness. I felt this sadness too, and could not explain it at all. It felt like some sort of confirmation after all, and demonstrated how we, as people can feel so much emotion but not be able to express so much of it into words.

I decided to take these photos mostly out of stress, out of procrastination, escapism and partly because I wanted to test my new camera (got a canon 7d what up). I just took some photos and did some watercolours and crudely superimposed one to the other. I do like the obvious 'flatness' of the watercolours as it doesn't bend to the forms of my body but also as it emphasizes them. As well as each distinct palette of colours creating a different mood or sensation that may be associated to crying. Alright, I think I wrote too much, and there is waaay too much childhood reflection in this post, should probably stop moping now.

My Thoughts on: 2 Days in Paris

2 Days In Paris
2007
Julie Delpy

I love Julie Delpy. I have honestly not seen her in enough things although I know her to be in some great films by legendary directors Goddard and Krysztof Kieslowski (hardest name to spell ever) but I've only seen her in the two 'Before' films and now this and she has already convinced me to sell my soul to her. She had contributed with screenwriting in the two 'Before' films (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset) and this is reflected in the keen conversational dialogue, and very short time span of this film (the movie is in the span of two days as the name suggests).

2 Days in Paris I loved, initially, I thought it was too similar to Before Sunrise - it opened with a train sequence, the very familiar setting, and the very casual and natural style. It diverged into something that was more intoxicating to watch - it was hilarious, it was cringe worthy and it was sometimes, pretty scary.

To break it down: 2 Days in Paris is about a couple that has been traveling around Europe, but they are not a Hollywood storybook couple, they're a real couple who are very aware of their ups and their downs. Julie Delpy is Marion, a French Photographer who has an apartment in very close proximity of her parents (upstairs to be exact) and Adam Goldberg (the creepy flatmate from 'Friends', Dazed and Confused) is her boyfriend of two years, Jack. Jack who is not a French native become entrapped in the swirl of the confusing language as well as the intimidating town, and the omniscience presence of Marion's ex-boyfriends. Consequently, he gets more and more paranoid about the goings-ons of his girlfriend.

Although described so uneloquently and very one dimensionally Delpy creates a complex and sweet and comedic film that is one parts Annie Hall and one part Before Sunrise. The humor is mostly derived from the banter of the couple 'Do I smell like cancer? Do I smell like a tumor?' as well as the awkward moments with the overly comfortable family including some very brash naked photos of Jack. The Anne Hall influence is prominent stylistically in the voice overs, the very obvious setting of the love of one town and the charming out-of-place sun soaked scenes of childhood to fill in the gaps.

Throughout the film it has a slight undertone of  Paris as this foreign and scary place - almost all men objectify and belittle women - a wife beater taxi diver, a racist, an overly forward one that suggests they make babies to Marion, and a man on the subway that would stand unreasonably and disturbingly close to Marion was especially uncomfortable to watch. Paris seemed ridiculously scary, the strangers rude, the culture unable to be translated into something we would understand. It created this really unnerving culture shock of a place that was so intimidating; the food on the table resembled too much of the pet rabbits that you used to have as a child, and the artists created strange sex obsessed works of art. It captured Paris in a light that i had never seen portrayed before, but one that made me so fearful that I did not want to visit it. I think Julie Delpy did this as a creative decision to avoid the cliches and to provide a form of a culture shock to us too, which were all very distinctly French - and I guess the only 'touristy' thing we saw physically was Jim Morrison's grave (not a view of the Louvre or Eiffel tower anywhere to be seen) although this seediness was too much for me to handle at times, although it did accurately represent, or allowed us to also feel the insecurity and understanding of Jack's mind.

Finally, there is an amazing incredible operatic finale to this film. There is a voice over of Marion talking about the nature of relationships (and there is so much real-ness to this little heartfelt speech I can not help but adore this film). She talks about how we deceive each other into thinking the person we are with is 'the one' although when you break up, you will slowly drift apart and they will not mean anything to you anymore, and you to them. How love can dissipate so quickly, from loving one moment to nothing. It concluded the entire film beautifully and explained and justified everything that had happened previously. It was wonderful. It captured the overwhelming complexities and the multifaceted nature of relationships, the good parts, the bad, the naked pictures, the paranoia, the annoyances, (well I guess in this case a lot of annoyances) but also the ex-boyfriends and the public outbursts and the little tongue and cheek banter.

All in all, two days in Paris is a great, unconventional and unexpectedly enjoyable film. It avoids tropes and the way that it tell its story with such raw emotion is beautiful. And P.S. I love you Julie Delpy.

Portrait of Suburbia

 From my bike ride; feelings of wanting to escape, of quaintness, small towns, feeling restless, muddy tracks and low rise houses. Feelings of stillness and isolation, quiet silence broken by the occasional dashing car. Welcome to suburbia.

Self Portraiture Without My Face

Sometimes I think that other things instead of a perfect selfie are better representations of a person. In my opinion, the things that are imperfect or different make up the essence of a person, their scars, their pimples and blackheads, goosebumps, protruding ribs, their unshaven hair, collarbones and their moles. In this case, I decided to do some self portraiture without including an entire limb, the intimate super close ups that are usually only recognized by the person themselves or a significant other. It also helps that I haven't really been taking care of myself during exam time, and I guess I feel you can see someone's true colours when they are pushed to their limits.

Strangely enough though, I feel like this is the most vulnerable and raw photos of myself that I have ever taken even though most of them are a tiny patch of skin.

Also the natural light was too damn good to pass up and caught every contour beautifully.

Now I'm going to go ride my bike and read books in strange parts of town - stay lovely, Ciao!

It's weird no one really mentions that it's okay to be introverted

In all honestly I hardly talk to these guys in real life. But they're really cool.

[EDIT] Okay so I felt mildly happy and super panicked earlier this morning and did not have enough time to write this up.

This refreshing comment - the acceptance of being introverted as something that is not a hindrance - is such a rare thing to see. In our current world we are expected to be interesting, we have to say things that is worth the other person's time because naturally, we like to be entertained. I dunno, in a way it's kinda messed up because if you are shy or awkward or like to keep your thoughts to yourself a lot of the time it gives off the impression that you are less.

I guess I feel this more at uni, particularly because when I do my little small talk routine naturally I don't get much of a response, but if I tell them that I jammed hard to Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus last night (it is mildly controversial for me okay) might be a little forward and might feel a little uncomfortable sharing (idk I'm hypersensitive) and all the pools of gossip that is talked about is something crazy and loud.

I guess I just dislike this insecurity that erupts when the notion of being introverted makes someone feel like they're worth less, or will achieve less or that there's something wrong with them. That's fucked up and way too prominent.

Anyway a lot of what I have to say about the matter is largely influenced by this: (which I have so much love for)

I am tired and it is late.

I love how obviously low-fi and kitsch this is. I am tired. I like symmetry. I like colours. I like wet hair after showers. I like my new bright lippy. I like my new patch. I like kaleidoscopes. I like stickers.

I have had one exam. Three more to go, but then the whole cycle will start again. fuck. I hope I've learnt something.

Btw, isn't this Reddit AMA of Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy and Richard Linklater fucking awesome?

#irrelevant post idk it's late and I have not posted in a while

The Last Goodbye

Man I was so into The Kills a couple of years ago and completely fell in love with this song. It's so sombre and beautiful, and the music video (and the making of) is such a delicious treat.

Things That are Pink + I Want to Make a Zine

I think I am going to make a zine these holidays. I want to concentrate all my creative energy into a project, and I think I'll upload the pages here (as well as physical properties if possible). I already have a couple ideas and it will be really interesting to play around with an aesthetic every time as well as continually being inspired.

From Urban dictionary:

1.	zine
	"Zine" is short for fanzine. For all intensive purposes, a zine is a cheaply-made, cheaply-priced publication, often in black and white, which is mass-produced via photocopier and bound with staples.

To get a better idea here's the Fanzine Tumblog or a great article by the New York Times that captures the essence of zines really well

And also think I'll visit the fanzine library at Auckland City Libraries (they have one apparently) when I have time and kinda excited.

Pink things explained

1. Wooden heart beads from the $2 dollar to make kitsch friendship bracelets spelling out 'zine' just cuz little things spelling bigger things are modestly interesting.
2. Pink Flowers I took photos of while riding my bike (literally riding with one hand, and the camera in the other) for stress relief.
3. Plastic tiara and Frankie Magazine
4. Laffy Taffy that Calvin got me for a study snack (DAYUM THESE ARE GOOD?) and he is so sweet argh.
5. Note I left to the next owner of my Spray on Paradise Ksubi jeans! (They weren't getting much wear because slightly too small and getting a pretty good price for them)

Also, gave my credit card to Orchard. But expecting 3 more parcels from various lapses of judgement and pre-orders.

That is all, stay golden my lovelies

N

Photography Post 1: Dark/Light

The dichotomy of Darkness and Light has existed for a long time - from Biblical origins (when the world was initially formless and void and then God created light) to light and dark imagery in Shakespearean works such as 'Othello' of tainted nature, to even the symbolism of struggle and resilience in Nolan's 'The Dark Knight Rises'. Whatever the case, one cannot be present without the other, and are at striking differences.

In this series, I planned to play with contrast - of this light and dark, silhouette and brightly lit, natural and synthetic. I wanted to create something striking with this contrast, as well as the photo (actually all photos) being dependent on light. And further symbolically; me coming to terms to the darkness that may reside in myself.

But enough about me, the low down about the lamp;

In this my mum is about to throw away this lamp that we've had for a while. The fringed detailing is falling off,  the lamp does not sit up straight nor does the lampshade. It's a little worn, a little wonky, but it's so ambient. The worst part for my mum is that there is no switch, you have to pull the plug out. I love this lamp and I was heartbroken to hear it would be thrown out as if it was trash. In my last desperate attempts to save it, my mum said no, if I really wanted a lamp she'll get me a better one, a more expensive and prettier one. Nevertheless I also wanted to capture the quality of this old-fashioned and much loved lamp. To shatter the illusion, I plugged an extension cord from the house and out to my driveway to the lamp late at night, and then started this shoot, I'm extremely happy with the results and it was nice to try and achieve something artistic in a while.

Anyway WHY AM I DOING THIS SO CLOSE TO EXAMS ;;

Outfit Post 6: Exams in 11 Days

I have exams in 11 days! Which is super terrifying considering how much they are worth for my total grade. Doing some late night shopping I went on Trademe (NZ version of eBay) to see if I could grab any bargains. I bought this Stolen Girlfriends Club skirt which is the current season and at a huge bargain from the regular price. I am always hesitant to get anything from Trademe (only because I can't see the product and also because I don't know who I'm buying from) but the trader was super friendly and mailed it so quickly. She also packed it neatly in a cute 'The Department Store' bag which was a Where's Wally style (first pic!).

I love the high slits in the skirt and how form fitting it is, it accentuates my figure and then gracefully falls down. It's also really edgy and tough looking with the thick zips and grungy but has such a classic silhouette.

I am honestly losing my mind studying, I am like strung out on < 3 hours sleep for the last 3 nights and it is driving me insane. That + no internet (my sister watched The Voice too compulsively omg) made me super anxious and so it was nice to wind down a little (even though I really shouldn't be) today.

Due to the long weekend I got some more stuff yesterday and that I really shouldn't have (RUBY was having a sale!) and I preordered stuff like 2 weeks ago that I'm waiting to arrive in stock. But after this I can't spend anymore, and going to give my credit card to a third party ):

Good luck for your semester exams (if you have any?), treat yourself with love, eat lots of fruit and stay golden y'aaaaalllllll.

P.S. Don't ask me why I am carrying succulents I just know they look cute and they are my favourite plant (or group of plants) (after cacti and sunflowers)