You and I

So university life isn't as amazing as I had idealized  It's only been my second day and I'm so tired all I seem to dream about in class in when I will get home. I imagined (as I do with most things) that university life would be like in the movies or like in Undeclared (created by Judd Apatow) where I expected to gain extreme best friends in a new school with a new and improved 'me'. It isn't. It's the most tiring and physically strenuous change that I have ever experienced. I wake up extremely fatigued and by the end of the day feel like collapsing. After a 7 hour block of lectures and labs with a quick 1 hour break in between life isn't very pleasant. Also, I'm in a extremely competitive course of study, which creates a very nerve wracking atmosphere. Everyone seems like they're sizing each other up to everyone else, or making swift comparisons  It's just tiring. It's exhausting. The pressure is great. In a bad way. Half the time I don't want to talk to anyone. The other half just wants to have otherworldly conversations with like minded people and have serendipitous moments with the people which I am assumed to spend the rest of my life around. Which I haven't done at all.

Today was made suddenly better when I got home (far too early with no study done). I got the book that I ordered from the mail 'You and I' which has the photographs by Ryan McGinley. It is an amazing book and encapsulates the irrational, spontaneous spirit of the young, and the young especially when immersed in adventure and life. It's exactly the pick me up I required, and yes, it again creates unrealistic expectations of being young and free, (because one can not spend their entire life on a road trip) but it gives me a little vacation to rest my mind. It allows me to be absorbed in a world where time is endless and the rules are trying to not get caught. To visit beautiful places, to run around naked, to play with fire.

I guess I need to free myself from the mundane. I need to experience and overcome this hardship, because there will be a time where I will have this freedom. I need to remember to make the most of every moment in time, because it will be gone in a second and one day this might be the stuff I wish for.