Things That are Pink + I Want to Make a Zine

I think I am going to make a zine these holidays. I want to concentrate all my creative energy into a project, and I think I'll upload the pages here (as well as physical properties if possible). I already have a couple ideas and it will be really interesting to play around with an aesthetic every time as well as continually being inspired.

From Urban dictionary:

1.	zine
	"Zine" is short for fanzine. For all intensive purposes, a zine is a cheaply-made, cheaply-priced publication, often in black and white, which is mass-produced via photocopier and bound with staples.

To get a better idea here's the Fanzine Tumblog or a great article by the New York Times that captures the essence of zines really well

And also think I'll visit the fanzine library at Auckland City Libraries (they have one apparently) when I have time and kinda excited.

Pink things explained

1. Wooden heart beads from the $2 dollar to make kitsch friendship bracelets spelling out 'zine' just cuz little things spelling bigger things are modestly interesting.
2. Pink Flowers I took photos of while riding my bike (literally riding with one hand, and the camera in the other) for stress relief.
3. Plastic tiara and Frankie Magazine
4. Laffy Taffy that Calvin got me for a study snack (DAYUM THESE ARE GOOD?) and he is so sweet argh.
5. Note I left to the next owner of my Spray on Paradise Ksubi jeans! (They weren't getting much wear because slightly too small and getting a pretty good price for them)

Also, gave my credit card to Orchard. But expecting 3 more parcels from various lapses of judgement and pre-orders.

That is all, stay golden my lovelies

N

Outfit Post 5: I Want to be Circa 90s Drew Barrymore

Something I wore to my friend Joycelyn's 18th birthday! It was a really cute night where I caught up with everyone despite just bumming and home or studying and it was really nice. I saw a lot of my friends from high school that I didn't see much of. It's kinda sad that I can't see their lovely faces that often, and I guess it doesn't help that we pretty much all pursued different bachelors, so it was really sweet to catch up. I wore the loose pants with a nice structured top and it looked very formed and architectural but still cohesive. There were cute little balloons (stuck to the ceiling with tape!) and mini pies (mini pie consumption count = 12)

Current obsession : Loose fit pants with prints, I don't really have great legs for pants but these daisy print pants are too cute to resist. In a weird way I feel very Drew Barrymore in the 90s when I wear it (Drew Barrymore IS the 90s man)

Here's some Drew Barrymore love, stay golden.

Outfit Post 2: Fluorescence

Something I wore a couple of days ago...

My Thoughts on: (500) Days of Summer

(500) Days of Summer
2009
Marc Webb

It's so intimate it hurts.

(500) Days of Summer is about the relationship between a young card-writing architect Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt) and secretary/drifter Summer (Zooey Deschanel) and the turbulent up and downs that we may encounter in a relationship. It is shown from the perspective of Tom, and his idealized relationship, consisting with many quirky montages and narrations awash with dreamy songs that play in our heads in our own soft montages.

I was once in the same shoes as Summer herself (relating to the 'supposed' antagonist) where I wanted a relationship that was just (and this term is tossed around so often) - casual. I felt like I was young and free, but also wanted to experience a constant connection with someone, an experience. Albeit this wasn't without consequences (that felt like it was entirely my fault), in various summers, I had broken the hearts of a couple of boys, because I was selfish with my heart and I didn't want my emotions to be controlled by another person. Little had I known they I too had control over theirs (and I'm truly sorry for that). In another sense I wanted to be the fun-loving, bubbly and quirky manic pixie dream girl that I had partially idolized and envisioned in many movies. An unabashedly girly and gorgeous being who swoops into young men's lives and shows them an otherworldly time. I was unintentionally molding myself into a characteristic that in reality, is unrealistic and was just a fantasy. (500) Days of Summer hit the nail on the head for me, bringing me back to these deplorable and cobwebbed feelings of the past, but from Summer's perspective.

(500) Days of Summer is told in a non-linear narrative utilizing in the sense (as many critics have already pointed out) of the way we recall significant memories; sitting on the park bench sharing ambitious hopes, lying on the bed recalling surreal dreams and fears, even quietly heated and flirty debates about musical differences. It's so intimate, and so real, that it hurts. These situations happen, these are the little things that are the fabric of a relationship  We see the foundations that have built up and it also effectively presents the dynamic of the couple. We see how smitten Tom is over Summer, the way he notices and likes 'her heart shaped birthmark on her neck' or 'how she licks her lips before she talks' as well as his insecurities of this unequal relationship.

By inequality I mean the inequality that truly stems from their differences in the intentions of the relationship even though they had been established from the start (by Summer). Summer wanted a casual relationship, but Tom (despite the obvious disappointment that stirs up in his face and idealistic fantasies) seems to want something more but bends to the tone set by Summer. Tom, viewed Summer as the aforementioned Manic Pixie Dream Girl, this rifted upon stock character of many charming movies. Tom blindly placed this unrealistic character in his real situation.

Tom, with his extremely boyish charm, strives to have this ultimate relationship, and put pressure upon Summer. This is easily identified from this beginning when Tom is introduced from the beginning saying (he) 'grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total misreading of the movie, 'The Graduate''. Tom like me, grew up on films, and they placed heavy weight unto our experiences that did not play on a screen (wow this is getting weirdly paradoxical) and onto Summer. This movie motif is applied in some scenes of Summer, one of which there are dreamy sun-soaked extreme closeups of Summer laughing as they make animated conversation on a train but we can not hear them.

Ultimately, for no specified reason, Summer breaks up with Tom. There is a very poignant and heart wrenching montage where the moments that Tom constantly referred to and played back, also had bad moments. The moments in life, that are quietly brooding, and yet we deny ourselves from. We've seen them in these situations played on screen but we too, chose to neglect them a little. Tom had placed his fantasy relationship onto Summer, who wasn't the once to reciprocate it. Tom had seen Summer as the Manic Pixie Dream girl, of which she didn't want to deliver. She left. She moved on. And just like she justified the parting of her previous relationships, it explains this one too, 'What always happens. Life.'

(500) Days of Summer in a weird way shattered my constant idealization of life (which isn't really a bad thing always) by comparing it to films, but also my expectations of other from this too, and of myself. Things won't always play out like a movie and in reality other people contribute to my own story line and sometimes life isn't a fantasy. I shouldn't set myself up to set footprints upon other peoples hearts if I don't feel I can deliver, and I shouldn't neglect the problems or the bad things that I may encounter, but, to also love the magic of coincidence in reality - The unexpected and serendipitous, for one of these experiences, may work out right.

'Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence .. Tom had finally learned there are not miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now. Tom was... pretty sure'

(Side note: late post so I'm super tired and not going to proof-read/edit this tonight)

I Love Cats

Who were these people I was surrounded by anyway?

Went out clubbing today. It was dreadful. What does one even do at a club? I had envisioned such a perfect night, girls sticking out for each other and dancing until our feet were sore and catching up with old friends, and meeting new friends. I guess it was partially like that. I guess I shouldn't have gone, really. And I would really like to vent it out and be irritated by everything from start to finish but I really should be the better person. (singular, you know who you are)

Anyway I also went to a cat show today (hence the first picture) and my future kind of played out before my eyes and granny-nah had totally found her calling. I took so many pictures of these gorgeous cats I will upload them in the near future (possibly tomorrow!). The second picture is the dress I wore to the club, it is amazing, and the girl at the store helped me decide between two and she was super sweet (thank you!) when I was having a life crisis at the store for like half an hour.

Anyway should hop off to bed, despite the cheery tone I am just in a mood to pick a fight with anyone really.

Flowers

NATURE

Some late night drawings of anatomical parts morphed with flowers

People Who Buy Me Food are Generally Cool.

Maaaaaaaaan I just finished my first 'wave' of tests. The first test was terrible. The second test was decent but disappointing. the third tests results aren't out yet. I'm very nervous about the last one (36%!!) but hopefully it would be okay. Before the third one (before the majority of them actually) I was in a really bad state and really teary, and I popped two 'Stay Focused' pills from my friend before the third one. I really hope those were what they were and not laxatives etc. (wouldn't put it past the guy to be like that really).

Anyway, I was in a extremely bad state before the last test, because I felt very ill-prepared and was still learning things the night before the test which was terrible. I was at my stress threshold and the fact this test was worth so much of my grade made it so much worse. Anyway, I have two moments where people have come down from the heavens and given me food (in this case an equivalent to gold, or kittens or all things good in the world). The first was I was studying for my chemistry test (test 2) and my friend Elizabeth gives me her V energy drink to get me through my study. I haven't had an energy drink in so long and it was just the boost I needed. I was blindingly grateful and felt so happy. The next moment was for the biology test (test 3) where Amy and Chelsea somehow (I don't even know how because I lost my phone) came into the library and found me and smuggled me an entire packet of gummy worms. It was symbolic in a sense about how interconnected I still am even though I don't really... connect. That I'm never really alone, and even though uni is lonely and uni is stressful there'll always be people... willing to offer you food. But more than that too, that there's always someone who wants to laugh with you, so listen to you, or will support you.

Anyway, thanks you guys.

The Taste of Failure

I got a mediocre grade for a test I really studied my ass off for. I could quote most of the source material off by heart and had re-listened to about 7 hours worth of lectures for it prior to the test, as well as hours of studying. It's really not pleasant getting an unfortunate grade for what I thought I was trying my best on. I feel so useless and I'm so close to giving everything up.

It was like the worst case scenario, it was like a dream and I wished to wake up and everything would be okay. It was that moment, and when it came to it, I got that terrible sinking feeling and I just felt so... worthless.

I've never had this happen to me really; sometimes, yes, I didn't get a grade that I wanted but usually this was my fault, but this time, I felt that I had tried, really tried for once. I know I should say I learnt from my mistake and it just motivated me more to try harder for next time! but I am honestly so discouraged I don't know what to do. So I cried. I cried a lot, and I've pretty much cried every hour this weekend. I'm a mess of tears and snot and there are tissues everywhere and empty toilet rolls. I've cried during every meal (where I quietly excused myself and went to the hallway) I've cried during conversations, I've cried during reciting notes, I've cried staring at my parents, I've cried marking past test papers. 

I guess I just don't know what to do. But I hope soon I'll figure it all out.

Uni Student Blues

I have two exams coming up, one is next Monday worth 15% of my mark (which is actually a lot better because I thought it was 30% for like two weeks, but now have done some poor prioritizing) and I have on on the same week, on Thursday worth 36% of my grade (fuck.). I am not lying when I say I am behind. I have so many gaps in my knowledge that need to hastily be filled in a week, which means I'm really really feeling the pressure. It doesn't help that I have exam anxiety and am not very confident in my own abilities. I don't know. Partially it feels like everyone around me knows everything already and I am just trying to keep up, while they seem to be having a brisk morning jog.

Anyway, this was not meant to be a depressing wall post, but possibly a post to laugh at all my problems. I'm become the bumbling, sleep-deprived, mentally unstable, food stuck in teeth, falling-asleep-in-lectures university stereotype. And I've decided on a right-of-passage type deal which completely consolidates my new found status

1. Nutritiously poor meals; pies, pies, ramen, sandwiches (okay this one is questionable), mountain dew, and an unreasonable amount of hi-chew. (hi chew are these japanese/korean candies which are on sale at the university dairy type of thing which has allowed be to report that the blood glucose in my bloodstream is 90% due to hi-chews). Anyway, these wonderful high energy dinners have been fueling me the last couple of nights, and what's worse is eating them alone at a table late at night still at the uni.
2. Going through 2 cans of Bastiste: I don't know if I spelled it right and I'm not going to check (it's 2:31 dammit). It's pretty much my quick fix cleanliness in a can. The next best thing to cheese in a can. It's dry shampoo, on the days that I can't have a quick morning shampoo and condition I use dry shampoo as a quick-fix to make my hair look less nasty. I know, it's not pleasant and now if you' know me you'll never come near me again. Also other shortcuts to hygiene; buns and ponytails. Now you know when to stay away from me. Now you know.
3. Being not on time: okay so this is not as detrimental as it may seem. But today I turned up an hour early to my lab (but I thought I had come right on time) and started freaking the fuck out because no one was there. Laboratories are mandatory and part of our grade so naturally I was so scared thinking I would be late. I rang other people in my lab, they were confused and said they'd be there soon. I didn't know until I asked another girl who was waiting, and we had a brief argument about what time it REALLY was currently and I discovered I had not turned my watch back for daylight saving. Yay.

Anyway, I am terrified out of my skin for my exams and it feel like I don't know if I'll get through these ones. I guess I've always naturally been good at academics (not trying to be arrogant k) but now that I'm in a cohort where I'm 'average' its really really really not been a fun time. Also I want fingers crossed to get into optom but I need AT LEAST an A- average in all my papers and only 60 from a potential 500 (?) get in.

Argh. Fears aside, here's my bipolar blogpost and a picture of a (clay) embryo my brother made 2 years ago. (I made one too, but I don't have it yet. I call her Meryl Streep (it was that or Beyonce Jr.))

And mind the typos, I'm really tired. 

Speed Blog 2

I HAVE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF THE DAY DOING MAGIC EYE. I bought the book at a primary school fair for 2 dollars! And it is amazing. Magic eye is a book of autostereograms which using a technique (mine is to hold the book close to my face and focus on the bridge of my nose - it helps that I have a big nose) you can see a 3D image from a 2D picture by just using your eyes! It is crazy. But now I have a crazy headache and I'm pretty sure I'm permanently cross eyed. Curse you magic eye.

(NOTE: The first photo works! Bring your face close to the photo and focus as if you were focusing on something in the distance and slowly bring your face back allowing the image to come into focus by itself (apparently this is how you are 'supposed' to do it) you'll see an image of a star if done correctly!)

I'm gonna pop some tags

As you can tell with the title I WENT THRIFT SHOPPING TODAY! I haven't gone in so long I was itching for some thrifting. I had an idea for things that I wanted, I'm a sucker for prints and textures. And I wanted to be inspired in the way I dressed. Some inspiration that I thought about when I was thrifting was Cher from Clueless, Enid from Ghost World, Frida Kahlo, Penny Lane from Almost Famous and Jessa from Girls.  all of which I am obsessed with and which I could real life body swap. I bought quite a bit of new stuff (some of which I adore to death) and I guess I'll list the reasons why I love thrifting so much

1. I can go completely crazy. Releasing me into a thrift store is like a kid in a candy store. I go completely insane and I pile my clothes into a trolley of which I try EVERYTHING on and then eliminate. I guess with thrifting I love it because everything is soooo cheap. And as a byproduct of that I have more license to try on things that I would never even consider getting full price! Like today, I got a nana cardigan with this interesting texture as well as a plaid child's vest! 
2. There is so much range. The thrift store that I frequent isn't one of those hipster stores where the store is actually selling the clothes at almost what would be retail price, it's a huge warehouse of donated and old clothes. It is simply massive. Therefore it's like a needle in a haystack you have to really be open to getting anything, and although there is A LOT  to get through, once I find something I love about something I will get it, and give it a good home. 
3. DIY. Okay I haven't done this this visit, but usually when I go thrifting I look at things that I could use to DIY. Thrifting is good that way, because you could create something amazing, or if all goes wrong you can safely tuck it away without it ever leaving a hole in your wallet. Previously I've fashioned numerous shirt dresses from old men's shirts- of which one as an earthy Aztec print ahhh one of my better DIYs. I've always been attracted to DIY when I was about 12 I heard that tights with ladders were 'in' and so I ripped up some tights and wore them with pride. Sadly I just looked like I needed new tights more that being super savvy high end fashion model.
4. Guilt-free. As thrift shopping gets more commonplace (and currently is considered 'cool' instead of embarrassing) it's a great alternative to regular chain stores as well as really discovering what you like. It's cheap, it's fun, and really it's quite satisfying. You're giving old clothes a new home, and paying not much for it either. Wooooooooo!

I think I've expressed thoroughly why I love thrifting and may or may not show my haul later. Anyway talking about Thrift stores, isn't this the greatest cover of 'Thrift Shop' ever???

Speed blog one

06/03/2013

Just arrived at the library 

Wondering if today is going to be a productive day

My Thoughts on: Friends

Friends
1994-2004
David Crane, Marta Kauffman

These summer holidays I decided to finish all 10 seasons of Friends, the famous sitcom to rule them all. It obviously was a moderately sad and depressing goal considering I was sitting around in my dark room with food curled up in blankets while the rest of society was frolicking in the sun. But seriously I love this show. It captures the human experience and nothing seems to come close to capturing the beauty of the day-to-day.

It captures the joy and the sorrow, the love and the heartbreak in 6 distinct and individual characters that grow with you when you watch it. It always doesn't seem like you're watching characters on a screen. I think that is what makes 'Friends' so special; how genuine the characters are. Each of the 'Friends' seem to have their flaws and their strengths. Ross has his divorces yet has an deep and ever enduring love. Phoebe has a stubbornness but also a deep sense of care. Monica has her compulsive cleaning but a strong work ethic etc. etc. You can't help but laugh in their moments of happiness, feeling genuine love - such as the moment where Chandler and Monica got married, the time where Ross was telling people of the beautiful way he would have proposed to Rachel, but also the genuine sorrow and pangs of sympathy. A particular example of this was Ross's kindhearted willingness to go to the high school prom with Rachel when her date didn't show up, yet after getting ready, Rachel and Monica are exiting the house in glee as said date, arrived. Ross's indirect rejection from kindness is brutal to watch and plays a large emotional role, without needing gags of complexities.

The gang has a great sense of energy and chemistry, although there is only a strong stable main cast of six, they never get tiresome to watch. The script is always hilarious and zany and the acting is almost as if the actors are the characters themselves. It has an extremely great sense of consistency as it celebrates the necessity and the beauty that friends can do to enrich one's life. As Time magazine articulately put it 'the well-hidden secret of this show was that it called itself Friends, and was really about family'

The friend's gang slowly develops habit and tics that we begin to realize and become comfortable with as we watch. Monica's loud 'I KNOW!!!' is characteristic as well as Chandler's strange enunciation is picked up by the gang where they produce constant jests towards it. This further develops to a sense of continuation as well as deepening our relationship with these characters. After 10 season admittedly I got extremely emotional as I watch the perfect ending to the perfect sitcom. It came to the realization that people have to move on, but that's not necessarily bad. It's inevitable but it's poignantly beautiful; starting a new chapter in their lives, a new adventure. As I watched this I realized how much I had to apply this to my own life, and to celebrate and embrace the change rather than to shy away.

You and I

So university life isn't as amazing as I had idealized  It's only been my second day and I'm so tired all I seem to dream about in class in when I will get home. I imagined (as I do with most things) that university life would be like in the movies or like in Undeclared (created by Judd Apatow) where I expected to gain extreme best friends in a new school with a new and improved 'me'. It isn't. It's the most tiring and physically strenuous change that I have ever experienced. I wake up extremely fatigued and by the end of the day feel like collapsing. After a 7 hour block of lectures and labs with a quick 1 hour break in between life isn't very pleasant. Also, I'm in a extremely competitive course of study, which creates a very nerve wracking atmosphere. Everyone seems like they're sizing each other up to everyone else, or making swift comparisons  It's just tiring. It's exhausting. The pressure is great. In a bad way. Half the time I don't want to talk to anyone. The other half just wants to have otherworldly conversations with like minded people and have serendipitous moments with the people which I am assumed to spend the rest of my life around. Which I haven't done at all.

Today was made suddenly better when I got home (far too early with no study done). I got the book that I ordered from the mail 'You and I' which has the photographs by Ryan McGinley. It is an amazing book and encapsulates the irrational, spontaneous spirit of the young, and the young especially when immersed in adventure and life. It's exactly the pick me up I required, and yes, it again creates unrealistic expectations of being young and free, (because one can not spend their entire life on a road trip) but it gives me a little vacation to rest my mind. It allows me to be absorbed in a world where time is endless and the rules are trying to not get caught. To visit beautiful places, to run around naked, to play with fire.

I guess I need to free myself from the mundane. I need to experience and overcome this hardship, because there will be a time where I will have this freedom. I need to remember to make the most of every moment in time, because it will be gone in a second and one day this might be the stuff I wish for.

Ferries and the Oscars

So today my friends and I WATCHED THE OSCARS WOO WOO WOO. After a heated game where we predicted the choices (I lost because I was too attached to my favourites - cough Joaquin Phoenix and Emmanuelle Riva and Zero Dark Thirty for almost anything it was nominated for) and too angry at how much Les Mis was nominated as well as the lack of The Master. ANYWAY, my friend lives rather far, so we had to catch a ferry there. (I will probably rant about the Oscars later into the night when I am exhausted and a swirl of passions and feelings.)

Me, not being the most punctual person in the world (I like to maximize the time I have before being on transport which usually consists of trying to finish a movie, finish a cake/ sandwhich/ ramen / general food) arrived literally as the ferry was just about to leave and dramatically dashed to the ferry. Anyway, it was a pretty good day, lots of laughs as the most hilarious facial expressions were pulled on the roof of the ferry (is it just me or are ferries actually pretty fast) due to the wind and spending a day with passionate people was kinda great. It seems like this is going to be one of the last full days of my holidays before orientation week for University, and I'm terrified. It's a huge step and I guess today was a good way to spend it, relaxed and happy with great people.

ALSO MICHELLE OBAMA PRESENTING AN AWARD?? WOW. I am a happy snapper.